I have an anxiety disorder.
I cringe as I type this, because I know most
people outside of my inner circle are unaware. I struggle everyday with
maintaining peace in my own mind, and often times, I fail. It affects every part of my life – my job, my
relationships, my own happiness. Although a very large part of me wants to keep
this a secret, my heart urges me to share my story in hopes that someone can
relate.
I’ve suffered from anxious thoughts most of my life. In elementary school, for example, I was in a constant state of paranoia about
someone breaking into my home and killing me. No amount of rationalization would calm my fear, and I spent many of my nights curled up in between my parents as a result. This continued for a few years. It carried on to my school
work, where I regularly found myself in tears from not being able to fully
understand a math assignment. In my freshman year of high school, I came head
to head with depression. I disconnected from life entirely. I talked to no one,
spent most of my free time sleeping to get away from my own thoughts, and my
passions dwindled significantly. I hid it from my family because I couldn't bear to admit that I was hurting so badly; I didn't want anyone feeling sorry for me. Though it got better after a year of silent
suffering, my anxiety stayed with me well into adulthood. For a long time, I just tried to deal with it;
I wanted to overcome it without the help of doctors and medication. Although
this sufficed for a while, I soon found myself slowly sinking back into a
depressive state. That, combined with an increased number of panic attacks,
pushed me to finally see a doctor.
If you have a loved one who struggles with anxiety, you
should know a few things:
Anxiety holds no prejudices
I grew up in a wonderful, supportive
environment. In high school, I was a varsity cheerleader with plenty of friends
and a long term boyfriend. I made good grades throughout college, participated in
extracurriculars, and went out with friends on the weekends. Do I sound like your
typical mental illness candidate? No? That’s because there is no set “type.”
Anyone can suffer from anxiety and depression, even if they seem happy and
outgoing. I feel like it’s a common
misconception that people who have lots of friends couldn’t possibly be
suffering from any mental illness. Guys, it’s absolutely a myth and something that
has been accepted for far too long in modern culture. This can happen to anyone.
Anxiety doesn't just affect the mind
Having an anxiety disorder is
exhausting, both mentally and physically. Unfortunately, this isn’t resolved
simply by telling someone to “calm down.” When I’m having a panic attack, every
bit of my mind and body is involved: I have trouble breathing, my head is
killing me, my stomach drops. “Calming
down” often feels out of my realm of possibilities. Thinking this is something
that a person has complete control over is entirely incorrect and will often
cause tension between you and the person who is suffering.
"Why are you stressed?" is a question I often can't answer
A lot of the time, I can’t tell you why I
feel overwhelmed. I can’t explain why my heart is pounding, why I feel like
bursting into tears for seemingly no reason, or why I feel like I might faint. My
body has reacted to the “fight or flight” signal that is going off in my head. Much
of the time, I have no control over when that signal goes off and even more often,
I’m unsure of how to stop it.
Blind Support always helps
Most people don’t understand what loved
ones with anxiety disorders endure on a daily basis. How could they? They know
what it feels like to be stressed out about a project at work or to worry about
a bill; they don’t know how it feels to be in a constant state of worry and
fear. While it often feels frustrating and impossible to understand, I urge you
to stand by your loved one. Believe me, they’re even more frustrated than you
are. Even just a tight hug and a simple reminder that they are loved makes all
the difference in the world.
Thanks for reading,
